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Chapter 7: A Second Date

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Oct 29, 2020 22:41 by Jacob Billings

Sorry I've gotten slower in responding to your posts as I am trying my hardest to keep up but you're working faster. This chapter is great. There are just a few small things: there are a few typos, most of the formatting typo like a space here or there, and the shortness of the chapter is a bit more obvious in this case. Previously, it was countered by the mind-boggling action. This time, however, it is a tad bit more obvious as there is little actual progression. It does fine, however, I would continue to be wary of making chapters contain too little action.   I'd say the give away that this may be a bit too slow, even during the exposition, is that you have so few dialogue tags. While this is normally a good thing, in this case, it shows that around 90% of the entire chapter is just dialogue between the characters with the occasional reminder as to who is speaking. There's no actual action and, while this style is useful in shorter works, it stood out to me in this chapter specifically.   In any case, it was still an interesting read.

Oct 29, 2020 23:14 by R. Dylon Elder

I hate this chapter. I'm honestly thinking of breaking it up and seeding it into others. I know what you mean and thanks for being honest. I need that. As far as your speed, dude. Your perfectly fine. I'm working quick, but I don't expect a quick response. I also want to make sure to spot you back as well. Don't want that backing up. so ur perfectly fine. Thanks so much.